Tuesday, September 22, 2009


so police and police dog respond to armed man drinking in the alley. man starts shooting and they shoot him dead. in the process, one of THEIR bullets hit the dog. and now dog and officers are up for medals? makes perfect sense. shoot someone dead and get rewarded. they couldnt shoot him in the arm or leg or do something else to difuse the situation? no they shot him dead. how noble.

Monday, September 7, 2009

we are in Germany

we had to go through security TWICE here. Once after exiting our flight from US to Frankfurt before being allowed to go to the concourse. then again before going into the specific gate. seems kind of redundant but I figured as long as I had to dig my lap top out of my bag AGAIN I might as well make a post!  We are tired but not exhausted. we did sleep a little on the flight from US.  Between babies crying we did.  There were several young babies and once one started crying others started in. one cried for most of the trip. I felt so bad for the mom and for the little one who was obviously NOT HAPPY with this whole travel thing!  Didnt bother me any. I just tuned it out. It is 130m back home and  830am here.  I finished the book  Twilight and loooooooved it and had to buy the second book, new moon. I am about half way through new moon. I love it. Might have to pick up the next one while we travel(if I can find it in english)Our feet are all swelled up and I had to loosen my sandals a notch to get them back on my feet after the long flight.  We munched our way across the ocean with Lufthansa.  We have a 955 flight to our final destination. Hopefully someone will be there to meet us, and we will have a place to stay. I never heard anything from the girl helping us with our adoption as to where we should stay or if she  found something or we should find something. Everyone keeps telling me this will work out and the girl who is helping us is very busy but she will be on it. Let us hope they are right.  So tomorrow we have an appointment and then I hope its off to P-town after there. not sure how that works.  Just wanted to let everyone know we made it across the pond. 

Sunday, August 2, 2009

me and my girls

ethan was playing playdough and built a tall tower like mountain. He called it Moscow on the Hill(which is a russian restraunt we went to once)

Friday, July 31, 2009

Maia while digging around in my drawar for something to play dress up: Mama? your bras are so beautiful.

snort. that kid kills me with her precious sweet histerically funny and innocent comments.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

funny maia these days

Maia wants corn sticks for dinner. (corn on the cob)
and recently asked if we could have peas on the cob. she meant pees in the pod.

yesterday she asked her dadddy this question "When Danielle, our big sister, was little was she your age?" huh?

and an Ethan funny, I heard him singing in the bathroom. what was he singing? I'll say hillshire! You say Farms! HILLSHIRE! FARMS! GO MEAT!

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

thinking of a haircut. maybe this http://www.short-hairstyles.com/short/s121.htm
or this http://www.short-hairstyles.com/short/s97.htm

it doenst matter how I cut it I wont like it after about a day anyways.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009


at lunch she couldnt understand why I dont like the cheese puffs. I said I just dont like them. I am sure there are some things you dont like. Can you think of something you dont like? she sat thoughtfully and quietly for a moment and then said softly "I don't like owls very much." I laughed and said I meant FOOD you dont like then she said oh you mean like mustard? I said yes. she said she didnt like mustard, but she still doesnt like owls very much.

no owls were harmed in this interaction.

Friday, July 17, 2009


follow along on our journey to adopt
donations welcome.
words of support always welcome!

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

a word from Maia

Maia hates to leave her playing to come in and potty and has on occasion just gone outside if she thought she wouldnt get caught but you can bet with two brothers and a sister SOMEONE is going to tell on you. Grandma has an outhouse outside for just that reason as they spend a lot of time outside. the difference being, we live in town and she on 70 or 80 acres. Fast forward to today
Maia comes running in to use the bathroom and said Mama? I want to build an outhouse!
No amount of explaining on my part seems to be able to make her understand we cant DO that here where we live. what a kid.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

funny Maia again

out of nowhere she wants to know if it hurts when people take out utensils.
WHAT? you mean your tonsils?
yeah utensils.
you go to sleep and when you wake up it hurts a little.
well then I dont want to take out utensils.

background: there has been no talk of anyone having out their tonsils and she is hardley ever even sick so I dont know where she got the idea she was getting her tonsils out. do they even DO that anymore?

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

funny things from Ethan

"wow! I feel like a new woman!"
then after sounding out the word whip he said "whip YOUR wallet into shape!"
sometimes he cracks us up

Maia is very astute these days as well. after driving to the vet for flea stuff she announced mom? Fleas make dogs SCRATCH!!

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

conversations with maia

mama? what is this scar for?
its from my surgery.
when they took out your baby bones?
uhh no from when they took out my gallbladder.
your ballbladder? why did they take out your ballbladder? mama whats a ballbladder?

she knows I had my "baby making parts" removed but keeps calling it my baby bones because bones are the only part of the body she really can reference or understand. she doesnt know about all those other squishy parts so it must have been bones.

Monday, June 1, 2009

4H meeting

Ethan was so good tonight at 4H. the strattera is working great for him. and being 7 is helping too. he was a little goofy but NO more goofy and loud than any other kid there. It helped that they played kick ball for like half hour when we got there. wore him out a little. We had birthday cake tonight for him. Chocolate cake and chocolaate frosting. he loved it.

Sunday, May 31, 2009

overheard yesterday

Ethan while dancing a pilot bear around: he won seventy three battles!!
Maia: well GOOD for him!

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

jon and kate plus 8

watching trash tv and they are talking about john and kate and how the kids say dad I dont want you to leave anymore. and take that as the kids are so in terror of losing their daddy. huh? what? MY 5 year old says that every day probably 10 times a day. and there is NO danger of her losing her daddy. she just wishes her daddy could stay and play with her ALL THE TIME, not just when he isnt working. she wants him to play with her when WANTS him rather than when he is available. another scene one boy says to the other Im gonna kick you. and they say its the cameras taking their toll and the boys are really damaged to say such things. THEY ARE BOYS! heck my SEVEN year old doesnt even warn he just does it! boys are LIKE THAT! they are! its been a hard lesson for me because my oldest son was NOT that way but the more boys I meet I find that boys are rough and tumble ALL THE TIME. it wasnt like these little boys were beating the daylights out of each other. they are just trying things out. and it was all blown out of proportion. I dont know what goes on with jon and kate or what will happen with their marriage but geezalou the press can twist things around! I do feel bad for the family that all this negative press is out there. why cant people just watch or not watch? if you dont like it dont watch. if you do like it watch it. its that simple. nothing i can do or you can do is going to change what they are going to do any more than yelling at a football player on the the tv. so why cant they just let it go?
I was thinking last night how the boy's new medication was working so well. silly me. thats what I get for thinking. today was not a good day for him. of course it doesnt help when his dad lets him get up at 6. he has been awful most of the day and now he has broken the trampoline AGAIN. so he is done. cooked. time to get ready for bed. no more outside today. stories and bed in short order. I am willing to bet ANYTHING that he will sleep later tomorrow because dad isnt here(he knows dad is a pushover) and thus will be in a better mood. but man today sucked behaviorwise. lots of time in his room getting himself together for smart mouthing. argumentative like mad today. wants to argue about anything and everything. a lot of sorry to hear thats today. I tried to teach him about time and the clock and he just refuses to think. even attempt to think. his automatic answer is I dont know. its cody all over again. Cody HATED school and learning. and would hide under the table when we asked him to read or write. I dont exaclty know what to do with him.

Monday, May 25, 2009

A trip to the grocery

I took chrysta to the grocery store with me and split the list with her. she took her cart and list I took mine. we were out of there in half hour! awesome! from now on Chrysta goes shoppin with Mama!!

Saturday, May 23, 2009

more silliness

Maia has smelly markers. one smells like lemons. SHe came running to me and said mom! smell my tongue!! does it smell like lemons? I said uhhh no. why? she said she licked one of her smelly markers.
lol that kid.

silly staturday

cody put his finger in the cookie dough. I said we dont know where your hands have been! Ethan says he was playing in the dirt. I say there are worse germs than dirt. Maia says "yeah! like dirty turtles?" lol watch out for dirty turtles.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Eric spoke with the jerk as he called yesterday when I was not here. He said they could go BUT he always has to put these little stipulations in there, this time is no different. he says they can go,but while one travels he wants the other with him. yknow, because we cant have any continuity for the other kids by having their older siblings with them. We cant have an extra pair of hands for whoever is watching the younger ones. and he never wants them unless there is something involved. he doesnt call wanting them every other weekend. not even once a month. once every couple of months and if we have plans then its another couple of months before he asks for them. so its his little way of getting in a dig. like we need the added stress of planning another delivery and pickup of a child while we are trying to get to the airport and get to Ukraine. we will already have to likely travel to his moms or my moms with the younger kids. and you can bet it wont be in his schedule to do it when its conveient for us. Silly me for wanting to show the kids the world, I wish I had never asked.

Friday, May 8, 2009

some people are just cruel

and I wish there was a way to be rid of him. the kids called their dad and he finally answered and they asked if they could go to Ukraine. he wanted to talk to me. made me miss the end of my show which pissed me off to start with. then wanted to bring up shit from YEARS ago as he always does and basically refused to say they could go. and why are you going? I refused to tell him. It would just be one more thing for him to complain about. he will say you have too many kids I dont want cody aand chrysta to have so many siblings. blahblahblah. he was in it for him, what am I going to do for HIM, as he always is. Oh god if there was a way to be rid of him I would. I do not need his shit. here is a chance for the kids to see the world. but he wants to argue about he doesnt like homeschool(yeah cus he dropped out in tenth grade so we all know public school is so great!) he just wants to be in control. He pays child support, but he doesnt see them. he doesnt come to their things like concerts or recitals or art shows. he doesnt want them to go to camp. doesnt want them to take music lessons. doesnt want them to get medical care or dental care(unless of course he approves it before hand). he just wants to be in control. wants to hold the strings and only let us do what HE says we can do. he would rather I send them to public school to be ridiculed and bullied than have them safe and well adjusted? where was he when they were learning to ride bikes? where is he when they need cheering on like when they ride the braml? he complains I dont tell him anything THIS IS WHY! he just wants to argue and be in control. I hate him. I hate him. I do not advocate hate but I hate him. I told the kids that their dad said they coudlnt go. I am tired of taking the fall for everything while they put him on a little pedastal. so he called back and put chrysta in the middle using her as a pawn just like he used to when they were little. poor chrysta didnt know what to do. I said tell him you have to go and hang up. and I told her after that she doesnt have to let anyone talk to her that waay and she can hang up anytime. I walked so mad last night. I always walk hard when I am mad. and I was STEAMED. I knew he would act this why. Eric was so sure that he would say yes, because its a trip of a lifetime for them, but I said no he is going to be an ass about it, and I was right. I would have loved to have been wrong aand eaten crow. but he doesnt change. and since he has a woman now he is worse. he is ALWAYS worse when he has a woman. says he is going to marry her(said that with each of the last ones too) but he is so codependent he cant function alone. I dont want the kids to hurry and grow up but I sure want them to be 18 so I dont have to deal with him anymore. I suppose I could go to court but it would cost a lot and since we have the other one out there sucking money and a little one in the works I dont think I can afford it.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

a parent who loves himself more than his kids

band concert, award- missed it
piano concert- missed it
art show- missed it
all piano recitals past- missed them

his excuse is that he cant come its too far and its always at night and blah blah blah. Eric left work to rush up to Danielle's dance recital, driving several hours, watched recital, had a moment with the girl, drove several hours home again and went to work the next day. he also did this when his kids graduated from high school. its called being a parent. I am so annoyed that he hasnt even spoken to her this week to tell her good luck or anything. He wont return my calls so I have no idea if he is going to let them go to Ukraine with us. he is an ass and I suspect the kids are going to come to that realization on their own one of these days soon. I have done my best not to poison them against him. if they turn their backs on him, it was all his own doing. or rather lack of doing.

12 going on 17.

Chrysta got her haircut today. what a difference a day makes. she changes so much! the little kids told me someone had a friend over because they didnt know who she was!

how is it possible?

that some people do not want better for their kids than they had? doesnt that strike you as wierd? but that is just what the kids dad seems to want. he thinks they shouldnt go to camp because he didnt. I think he just doesnt want to pay for any of it. and I called to ask about taking the kids to Ukraine but of course he didnt call me back and doesnt answer my calls. he has yet to pay me for any of the money he owes me for activities and medical for like the past FIVE years. and wants me to ask his permission before putting them in anything. yeah right father of the year. chrysta takes piano, and they go to summer camp, and she does girl scouts. they did do some swimming lessons in the past. but other than that they dont do a lot that costs money. and I am supposed to clear with him whether they need medical care? I think not. he is no doctor. and to be fair he gets by quite cheap in that aspect with us having a doctor at home. a lot of things that I used to take them to the doctor for I now know enough to know it isnt necessary or I can consult with eric if it really is necessary. so basically he is bitching about piano lessons and summer camp, glasses, braces, and a broken arm. He is really something. I need to look into whether I even need his permission. Danielle only needed one parents permission when she went on a cruise to the bahamas.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

I make sure the kids see their grandma and cousins that I can get them to. but cousins were around from out of town and father of the year went to visit but didnt bother to take the kids or even ask them to come. no he is more concerned with himself. If I didnt take those kids to see their grandma they would NEVER EVER see her. ever. I have also decided that the kids can ask their dad if they can get a passport and go to Ukraine. that way if he says no its all on him. and they will know its all on him and they can go ahead and be mad at him instead of me the messenger who always has to be the bearer of bad news. except since he is out of town with the fam he has his phone turned off so no one can reach him. some father of the year. doesnt want the kids to know he went to see the fam so he turns off his phone. there is a reason I am no longer married to him. and I thank GOd or my lucky stars or anyone who will listen that I was smart enough to leave when I did. because look at all I have been given since then. A LOVING husband, two more wonderful kids, one on the way, a nice house and land that WE enjoy together, family time and family outings, and best of all...NO LIES! NO GAMES! NO GUESSING! all is on the table. I am very lucky.

Saturday, May 2, 2009

eric wanted to go today and help out at the campground but now he had round and do an H and P so he wont get home until its too late. so I guess thats out. I can hang some clothes on the line though. and I have some sewing to do. but yet here I sit. on the computer and watching scrubs. basement needs cleaning. a lot. so yeah there is lots of things I could be doing. should be doing. but all I can do is sit here and plan and scheme and worry and wish for Ana.

Eric and I considered taking the big kids with us to Ukraine, one at time. But I am not sure their dad will go along with that. he is a jerk that thinks only of himself and actually DOESNT want better for his kids than he had. he already said they shouldnt go to summer camp because he never did. I personally think he is just jealous that we can give them those things and he contributes pennies to their support and nothing towards their medical or activities(even though he is SUPPOSED to pay half) its all about his control. still. 10 years later. and I imagine until both kids are 18 it will be much the same. but let me tell you BOY! I cant WAIT until they are both 18 (4 years for one and 6 for the other) and no longer need his permission for ANYTHING. He didnt come to Chrysta's piano recital because he was punishing me for sending the kids to piano lessons and summer camp and getting them medical care and then having the nerve to send him the bill for his half. He wants me to get his permission before letting them do anything. that is bull. He sees them a few times a year and I am supposed to ask him about everything the kids do? NOT! you wanna be father of the year then be INVOLVED not just IN CHARGE.

whew that went off in a tangent there didnt it. Chrysta is playing piano right now. she was motivated by some of the younger kids playing harder songs than her at her recital so she has been playing a lot lately. she has a flute concert next tuesday which I dont believe her dad will be attending. right. father of the year.

well I guess its time to get off the computer and do SOMETHING. anything.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

names I like for a little girl

anastasia carey?
anastasia kendall?
anastasia makenna?
anastasia ruby?
anastasia samantha?
anastasia lee? ( like I and my annabelle lee)
anastasia lily?
Anastasia Claire!
anything else?
I told him about her. I showed him the photo. he read a bit about her problem. and then he agreed that she needs a home. maybe ours.

Friday, April 24, 2009

A little girl

she is three years old. she has no mama or daddy to take care of her. isn't she beautiful? doesnt she deserve to have a mama to cuddle her and daddy to play silly games with her? She is just one of the many many children with no one to love them. no one to hold them close and teach them about life. This beautiful little one will go to an institution where she will live out her remaining days if no one adopts her. Please wont you go to reecesrainbow and pledge to her adoption fund? Your donation could be the one that makes this little girls adoption a possibility for a family. She is so precious and weighs heavily on my heart. wont you help someone to adopt her? We think only of some far away place and faceless nameless children when we think of children without families. Now you have a real face of a real child and I hope she sticks in your mind the way she has stuck in mine and you will do what you can to help her and others like her. reecesrainbow.org

kmart lady on a power trip

I took my daughter to Kmart to buy an outfit for her piano recital. I dont usually go to kmart but it was convenient because its near my moms so I could just run up there quick before dinner. So she found a couple of things to try on. She dinged the little bell. nothing happened so I told her to just go ahead into the dressing rooms. but they were locked. an older lady appeared about that time and demanded my daughter come around to the front of the counter and told us 17 times that we cant just ding the bell(yknow cus thats why its there) and she could barely hear it. and should push the other button that goes to the intercom over the whole store. so now daughter has gone TO the dressing rooms and is now back AWAY from the dressing rooms and then the lady opens the door for her to go in. I was annoyed by her power trip and the STEP AWAY FROM THE DRESSING ROOM act. While I waited for daughter to try on and show me another employee approached me and kindly asked one simple question, do you need to get into the dressing rooms? now which would you prefer? I told her I was just waiting for my daughter. A few minutes later a lady comes to the counter and dings the bell. no one came. she yelled HELLOOOOOOOO! I was amused. waited for bitchy lady to return and give her the lecture but instead nice lady came and let her in and that was it. we finished our business and left. This is but one of the reasons I hate shopping at kmart for anything other than diapers.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

What was I thinking?

Thinking I could stay here? I just dont know if I can. I have been asking to move for YEARS. Like since we moved in.  I know it might not seem like it to others but I feel like I have a target on my back all the time. Like my kids have targets on their backs.I so want another child. I really do. but at what cost?  My kids get kicked out of things for stupid reasons. We will never be a part of this town. that much is clear. If we are to stay here I have to come to terms with that. I will be me, same as before, and they will be the way they are and I have to not care. I have to teach my kids not to care. I guess its a good lesson for them.  be what you are and not care what anyone else thinks.  It is so frustrating to feel so left out all the time. I have some friends here. but 99% of the town either ignores us or openly hates us. What have we done? Eric  feels like it will be this way anywhere because we are college educated and he is the doctor and people resent that.  But at least in a bigger city we could find other educated people and not EVERYONE would know at first glance who we are.  I love my husband and want to be where he is. but oh how can I stay here? I love our property, I love our trees and yard and clothes line.  Now if the rest of the town would just go away.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Did you sleep in a warm bed last night? Did you have a healthy breakfast this morning? Did you stop for coffee at the coffee shop? Did you have a hug this morning? now think if you were a child, in a place where food is scarce, love even scarcer, and warmth is not a priority. You dont know if anyone loves you. you dont know what love even is. All you know is the same 4 walls.

Now think if you could do something for that child. Reecesrainbow.org is reaching out and trying to help children with special needs find an adoptive home. Adoption is an expensive venture and many of these children would not be adopted without a financial grant. remember that warm bed? coffee from the coffee shop? Couldnt you go to Reecesrainbow.org and donate a couple of dollars to a child's grant? There are many children with no grants, because no one has donated to their future adoption. Every child deserves a future dont they? Every child deserves a family dont they? Please help these kids with a donation. Even if you can only donate a couple dollars it helps. Wont you please help?

Feel free to copy and paste this and pass it on to any and all of your friends. Lets change the world together. Wouldnt it be a wonderful world if all children had homes? Orphanages are no place to grow up!

Ever heard of Reeces Rainbow?


If people would just go there and donate just a couple of dollars to a childs adoption fund and help him or her find a family. Skip that cup of coffee at the coffee shop and donate to help a child find a family.

HE mentioned adoption

oh yes he did! so right now its a maybe. depends on a lot of other things going on, like moving or not moving. but maybe is better than no no no. AND I think I am coming to a place where I can be ok either way. If we stay I would love to adopt again, and if we go and dont get to that will be alright too.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

date night

Eric and I went out to dinner tonight just the two of us.  I had on jeans and a blouse I havent been able to wear in awhile.  I had a house salad with chicken. wow! was that good  We enjoyed each other kid free for a while. and when we got home Ethan greeted us with smiles reserved for special times like "get out of bed free cards"  he was so cute though. And he said "You look beautiful Mama!" very sweet boy. very sweet moment.  Makes the messes he got into today fade away. Now we are going to watch Masterpiece Theater together.  We have been watching Little Dorritt for weeks. Its like a ten part movie! I love it.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Eric has a jumble of thought too

I have come to the conclusion that we will have to give up certain dreams if we go, others if we stay. There are two hospitals in duluth. One we want nothing to do with so it aall depends on the other. if the way they do things isnt suitable to Eric then duluth is just out. There are no independent clinics anymore. they are all owned and run by one hospital or the other. I am half hoping now that they wont be what he wants. I did mention to him staying here and adopting. he wasnt mad. I have a hard time judging what his reactions will be to things. I always think he is mad at me even when he isnt. My alcoholic childhood I suppose back to haunt me. He actually sounded a little open to the idea of adopting if we stayed here. I didnt push it. I didnt say any more about that. but now I am hoping again. I just dont know what will happen and that is so hard for me. waiting is not my specialty. its not something I am good at. I will just try to keep busy.

today is cloudy and overcast and cold. Maybe I will get some sewing done. I have several pillow case dresses waiting to be made. I have chubber covers to be made. I have a package for megh and sheamas to gather and send. I have blankets to finish. I could make more silkies. I have lots of things I could and should do. There is always laundry needing to be done. I guess I better go get started. Eric is on call today so I am home all day

Friday, April 17, 2009

a jumbled mess of thoughts.

I hung out some clothes today on the line. it ws so nice to do that. It was bittersweet though because there are no diapers to hang. I love doing diapers. I love hanging baby clothes. I love hanging regular clothes but its a special love to hang diapers and baby clothes. It makes me sad. We wouldnt have as large a property if we bought the church we are going to look at and probably wouldnt have a place to hang clothes. I would really miss my clothes line. but as I was hanging clothes, I wondered if I really want to leave her as much as I think I do. would I give up moving to stay here and adopt a child? I want to move from here but I dont. I want to stay but I dont. I want a baby but I cant. cant always get what you want. if you try sometimes you get what you need. what do I need? most poeple will tell me I need another child like I need a hole in my head. moving would give us new opportunities, for the kids as well as for me. there is just nothing here. I might consider sending my kids to school if I felt better about the school. at the same time the kids have made friends here and they would have to leave them again. well maybe the church will not be what we want or need. maybe the hospital wont be what Eric wants. then I guess we dont have to think much about it. we will just stay here awhile longer. maybe if we didnt move I could save up more for an adoption? will he ever be on board for another adoption? does he understand my deep desire for another child? I know there are things he wants but doesnt buy. we could stay here and he could buy his double barrell shotgun, I could adopt(maybe?) he could fish and hunt but he couldnt do the greenhouse here. GRRRR. so many thoughts so many directions. and still 4 more days until we do anything associated with moving. selling this house would be hard. so maybe we are stuck here. or maybe we will stay and make the best of it. I just dont know. As dad always says, whatevers gonna happen probably will.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

can someone tell me

just how does the Obama family's choice of dog affect the president's ability to govern?

Monday, April 13, 2009

Intorducing......the AMAZING ETHAN!

this is 6 and half year old Ethan on piano. nary a lesson. he just likes to make up his own songs. he coudlnt take lessons this year because he wasnt reading yet. sometimes he just plays around and sometimes he does things like this.

Friday, April 10, 2009

well it happened

someone else committed to him. we were waiting to hear from a cardiologist. I am majorly disappointed. totally bummed. even more so because I know if I bring it up again Eric is going to sigh frustratedly and shake his head and get grumpy. It sucks. a lot. and I was totally looking forward to a baby boy. now I am back to square one. the hardest part is we cant DO anything else either.

looming diappointment

I found the same child we were considering was on rainbowkids.org. but now he isnt. he was deleted by the agency. A different agency than we use. but what does that mean? has someone else sent their LOI for him? is he locked now for someone else? He is still listed on my agencies private site. but of course BOTH of them are on the west coast and I am in the midwest so I cant call and confirm anything. I was really looking forward to this. We spoke with a cardiologist yesterday and are supposed to fax her the info today but I am not sure if we should bother her now. If someone else has chosen him it would be a waste of time, hers and ours. but if no one did and he was removed for some other reason then we could send it and hope to hear back. of course today is friday and another week has gone by and I have no confirmation of anything. this is driving me nuts. Husband is driving me nuts. and if someone else has chosen this child and sent their LOI then I will have to start all over with the convincing. Eric will say well maybe we shouldnt even adopt. grrr. Every day I have to look at the empty crib with all the cloth diapers in it and wonder if I will ever get to use them again. why does it have to be so hard? I do not want to spend the money for a HS and then find that we end up adopting from a diff country and have to redo it and change the USCIS. thats a lot of money. If I wanted to go through the traditional program I could do that but I am looking for a waiting child. A child who needs a home because he or she has special needs. this is such a frustrating process. It would help if I didnt have to draaaag husband along into it.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

well its boy and I thought it would be a girl. Nothing is written in stone at this point. in fact nothing is written even in ink! Eric is talking to a cardiologist today about it. I know he isnt convinced we even NEED another child but I think he is softening because I did not ask him to take it to a cardio.
but we could have a new baby yet this year.

Friday, April 3, 2009

We may have found our baby.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Hi, Im a dabbler

I dabble in lots of things and find msyelf with lots of unfinished projects. why cant I finish anything? Maybe it is just the constant interruption that happens around here. Maybe its the weather. Maybe I am depressed dealing with the negative one or I am just lazy. I have books unwritten, projects unfinished, quilts unsewn. I have an interest in writing, crafts, sewing, quilts, cooking, psychic ability, and I dabble in them all but master none of them. So I am a woman of many interests and master of none. someone light a fire under me please? I have to work on the book. I am impatient, thats part of it. I want things to happen NOW. and working on things slowly and consistently over time is not as appealing as opening my eyes one day and its done! I need to be a tortoise and not a hare. It is hard for me to focus on anything that takes any energy because I am pretty much it around here. laundry, done by me. cooking, done by me. kid refereeing, done by me. chauffering, done by me. Getting kids ready for bed, done by me. so when I have a moment of peace I just want to savor it and relax mindlessly rather than work on some project. And some of my projects take awhile to prepare for and by the time I get it all set up I don't have a lot of time before I have to put it all away again. so if anyone at all has any oomph or get up and go, please PLEASE send it to me because my get up and go has got up and went(another dadism). It isnt that I don't WANT to do these things. maybe its because even when I do complete things they plans I have for them never materialize. I should learn to just enjoy the process of creating it and not worry what will happen when its done.

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

crazy kids

maia just came in with her barbie toilet and flapped the lid up and down. as she did this she was saying "HI! I'm trever toilie!"
well now that the basement flooded I am having an even harder time figuring out where to get the money to adopt. ARGGHHH. Ethan has been pretty good the last couple days. he got to see his sister in action having a little snit like he does and I told him thats how he looks and it isnt pretty and it isnt pleasant and maybe he could learn from her mistakes. Maia is VERY cranky today and I am trying to get her to nap but she wants nothing to do with it. typical maia. We walked up town to the kids carnival yesterday. it was fun for the kids. hurt my toe a lot but I made it. and now the snow is falling falling falling. I so do not want any more snow. I am ready to see SPRING!! chrysta is studying Helen Keller and has to be deaf and blind for an hour. She cant get through ten minutes. keeping chrysta quiet is not an easy thing. i might have to break out the duct tape to keep her quiet!

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

I made the right decision

I did. I know I did. yet somehow other people who cant see past the nose on their face seem to think that a dog should be spared no matter the circumstances. Even if it means a human is harmed. One person on freecyle attacked me and told me I am fucking nuts and mentally ill and my children will suffer through their life with me. told me I should never kill a dog. what the hell? I am SAVING MY CHILDRENS LIVES! not to mention the lives of other people's children! I was willing to make the hard choices and follow through, in the interest of safety. No one who wrote me to ask about why I would put him down wanted to take him home and risk THEIR family, but I should risk mine and those around me? get the fuck off my back if you are not walkin in my shoes. I loved that dog so much I did what was best for him and everyone else, instead of keeping him alive for my own selfish need to have him near. I said he was to be humanely euthanized and I believe he was. he was with me, who loved him. he died in my lap. how much more humane can you get. I was so honored to be part of his pack. he was willing to defend me to the very end. I felt his love as he growled at the vet, he felt the need to protect me. as he did all that he loved. As much as I felt his love, I knew it was dysfunctional love. I did the right thing. Some people need to get a life and not put their nose where it doesnt belong.

Big Ole

Today Big Ole will go to Doggy Heaven and he will run free and never be tied again. He will be happy and calm and know how much he is loved. He will play hide and seek until his heart is content. and here on earth there will be many tears, as there have been already, and he will be very missed by his family who will never forget him and never stop loving him. I have been crying all day. Appointment time is 2:15. This is so hard, he is so young. It was easier with Griffin knowing he was sick and in pain. Ole is just thinking its any old day and when can he go hunting again. He so loved to hunt. I just so wish there was another option. ANY option. but there just isnt. I love you big Ole. I will miss you every day forever.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

I think the pope is on crack

or at the very least alzheimers is kicking in. He went to Africa to talk about AIDS and said that condoms wont help the AIDS epidemic there. no it wontbe the end of it but it sure could help in reducing numbers of people gettihing HIV thus reducing the numbers that die of it further reducing the number of children orphaned. so yeah a few condoms could really change things, but NOOOOOO the pope goes over there and says condoms wont help. what planet is he on?

Sunday, March 15, 2009

a bad day

I fell twice today. banner day. Ethan flushed one of the snails down the toilet. he let all the baby guppies out of the baby tank and the big fish ate them. I hurt my arm on the first fall and my foot on the other. My parents came today and brought us a surprise. Actually I knew it was coming so it wasnt a surprise to me. but they brought us a NEW TV! actually its their OLD tv but it works and our OLD tv doesnt. and its much bigger than our old one. except Cody hasnt hooked it all up yet and since I have to crutch its hard to get down there to do it myself.

Tomorrow is girl scout cookie money turn in. we still have cookies to deliver. nothing like cutting it to the very wire!

Chaos was here today. was here all night. they came for him around 12:30 or so and he DIDNT WANT TO GO! what does THAT say? he would rather sleep on our porch than go home with them. One of the kids had to come up and get him. he is such a nice dog. he is obviously hungry he is way too thin. I fed him and he gobbled up every bite. For such a nice boy I wish someone could keep him and not let him run all over the state. I wish we could keep him. I would talk to the family and ask if we could keep him IF our dogs didnt go absolutely BONKERS every time he gets near. methinks three male dogs in one household might be a bit too many!! That is part of his problem, he isnt neutered. he is so patient as Ole barks in his face. he just yawns and turns his head almost wincing as if to say gosh that hurts my ears but I am not at all upset by it. I hope he doesnt get hit by a car one of these days.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Ethan is trying today. it shows.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009


Stayfree. Ethan told me we should buy some stayfree because it makes you wake up happy and say nice words. yeah he could definitely use some of that!

Monday, March 9, 2009

Another sleepless night

its getting old. there are two of them now. they show up and sleep on the porch all curled up. and Ole barks all night long to let us know they are still there and dont belong here and he doesnt approve!! which means NO SLEEP for us. why cant these people keep their dogs home? why have they chosen our porch to sleep on more often than not? and there is NOTHING we can do. although I suppose if we charged them with the damage to the windows from their dog they MIGHT get the message but I doubt it. I seriously doubt it. 50 bucks and a trip to the shelter didnt bother them any, the dog was back the next day. GRRRR. Short of moving we can do nothing.

Sunday, March 1, 2009

`interview with a 14 year old

1. What is something mommy always says to you?
I love you

2. What makes mommy happy?
no fighting

3. What makes mommy sad?
when the kids destroy the toys

4. How does your mom make you laugh?

5. What was your mom like as a child?
i dont know, I wasnt there!

6. How old is mommy?
36 or something
I know you're in the thirties

7. How tall is mommy?
five foot three?

8. What is her favorite thing to do?
sit in the bed with the laptop

9. What does your mom do when you’re not around?
I dont know, Im not there!

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?

11. What is your mom really good at?

12. What is your mom not very good at?
finding snoopy(A game we have together)

13. What does your mom do for her job?
do you still work for the newspaper?

14. What is mommy’s favorite food?

15. What makes mommy proud of you?
when I do the dishes

16. What do you and your mom do together?
sit, eat, etc

17. How are you and your mom the same?
glasses, brown hair

18. How are you and your mom different?
I'm taller, she's shorter

19. How do you know your mom loves you?
she says I love you

20. Where is your mom’s favorite place to go?
the internet

interview with a 12 year old

1. What is something mommy always says to you?
good morning

2. What makes mommy happy?
the kids

3. What makes mommy sad?
when things dont go her way

4. How does your mom make you laugh?
tickle me

5. What was your mom like as a child?
like me kind of

6. How old is mommy?

7. How tall is mommy?
5'6"? 5'5"?

8. What is her favorite thing to do?

9. What does your mom do when you’re not around?
play with the kids or play with the dog

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?
her sewing

11. What is your mom really good at?
sewing and keeping her kids happy

12. What is your mom not very good at?
hmmmmmmm I dont know

13. What does your mom do for her job?
manage 4 kids and 2 dogs

14. What is mommy’s favorite food?

15. What makes mommy proud of you?
when I do something good for her

16. What do you and your mom do together?

17. How are you and your mom the same?
Im a spittin image of you

18. How are you and your mom different?
we like different things

19. How do you know your mom loves you?
she says it

20. Where is your mom’s favorite place to go?
crop night

interview with a 6 year old

1. What is something mommy always says to you?
you will read a story, I love you

2. What makes mommy happy?
have loves and kisses

3. What makes mommy sad?
something bad, like pushing people

4. How does your mom make you laugh?
she plays games with me

5. What was your mom like as a child?
she liked hugs and kisses from her dad

6. How old is mommy?
nine years old

7. How tall is mommy?
this tall(holds hands apart)
big and gigantic and I am littler than her
8. What is her favorite thing to do?

9. What does your mom do when you’re not around?
she comes to me and wakes me up
(clarifying the question)
she sews and does everything a mommy does

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?
she will be famous for money

11. What is your mom really good at?
she is really good at sewing and really good aat putting leaves in tables

12. What is your mom not very good at?
she isnt very good at sewing mittens

13. What does your mom do for her job?
she works.

14. What is mommy’s favorite food?

15. What makes mommy proud of you?
when I do good things.

16. What do you and your mom do together?
we play a little game and we play sorry and we love to play sorry and I love her.

17. How are you and your mom the same?
if you were a boy and I was a boy then we would be the same(stroking my cheek while he says it)

18. How are you and your mom different?
daddy is a boy and im a boy and cody's a boy and you and danielle and chrysta and maia are girls

19. How do you know your mom loves you?
because she likes to do lots of things she also loves to go on trips and go on he nice computer.

20. Where is your mom’s favorite place to go?
she likes to go to the grocery store.

interview with a 4 year old

1. What is something mommy always says to you?
I love me(I think she means I love YOU)

2. What makes mommy happy?
with me and Ethan being nice

3. What makes mommy sad?
When we step on your foot!

4. How does your mom make you laugh?
with you tickeling me

5. What was your mom like as a child?
you behaved very nice

6. How old is mommy?
ummmm I dont know.....eight?

7. How tall is mommy?
I dont know

8. What is her favorite thing to do?\
cook(i dont think so!)

9. What does your mom do when you’re not around?
go on her computer

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?
getting people to listen to you

11. What is your mom really good at?

12. What is your mom not very good at?
getting to stuff on the computer

13. What does your mom do for her job?
cook (sensing a pattern here!)

14. What is mommy’s favorite food?
fancy chicken

15. What makes mommy proud of you?
when I be nice

16. What do you and your mom do together?
go out to the yardsales

17. How are you and your mom the same?
we both weigh ourselves

18. How are you and your mom different?
I play and you go on your computer

19. How do you know your mom loves you?
when she does the stuff she's supposed to do and say you love me

20. Where is your mom’s favorite place to go?
the zoo!

Friday, February 27, 2009

half a glass of wine and I think I am going to throw up.

Monday, February 23, 2009


yesterday Ethan was wild and obnoxious. aggravating and antagonizing. today he is an angel. an absolute doll. following all the rules.sat in my lap while we watched imagination movers. NO tantrum when I said tv off. working on his school work like a dream(and he is SOO good at it!) played well with the other kids at gym class today. did NOT make a fuss when we left gym class. happily ate up his lunch. happily went off to school. he has been so incredible today I felt I had to reward him somehow. I gave him a big sticker. he liked that. I also told him what a good job he is doing today. he is not fighting with his sister all the livelong day. they had a few minor spats that cleared up quickly but nothing more than is normal sibling stuff. I am just so thrilled and surprised at him today. I am sure it wont last but I am trying really hard today to praise him as much as I can so he can see how nice that is instead of always being the one in trouble. I have been faithfully using 1-2-3 magic. He TOTALLY gets it. I know other people say what do you do when the kid starts to count, then it doesnt work anymore. But I have ignored his counting and carried on as if he hadnt said a word and seems to be working. my MIL really likes 123 she used to teach her clients to do that. so a little positive reinforcements for MOM helps. I actually look FORWARD to his arrival home from preschool today. the kid is so hungry since I took him off the meds I had to reinstate the morning snack. I am just so proud right now. busting at the seams with love for my happy little guy.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

I am tired. all my kids are pissed at me at the moment. its always me. I am always the bad guy. could that be because I am the one who is always HERE? Eric had somewhere to be today. figures. Ethan is Ethan. Less angry than on the meds but Chrysta is making up for his attitude. now she is pissed because since she didnt do her work she cant go to art class. I dont know why I keep hanging on to this idea of having another baby. None of the kids I have are all that great. They drain me daily of any kind thoughts I might have. the one guppy we had left is now gone. Guess he made a good meal for one of the other fish. maybe guppies have the right idea.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Maia lost another tooth!

Maia lost another tooth last night. now she is missing her two bottom front teeth. there is a new one coming in already. she isnt even 5 yet! and then we have Ethan who is nearly 7 and has all his teeth and this drives him absolutely bonkers that she lost hers and he didnt. although in his mind I am not sure he understands that he is older. I think he thinks of them as the same.  but he has a sweet and generous nature. even if he can be a little monster sometimes. whenever he hears about someone who has less than he has he wants to give and share what he has. He understands givng from the heart in a way his sister doesnt.  so she lost her teeth but he has gained a giving spirit. I guess it comes out even.

I have the boy off his meds today. An experiment. he is still Ethan but MUCH LESS SO. so do I try to find a different drug that wont make him so aggressive? or try to live without? I medicated him wiht the hopes of making him better, not worse! life with him is unbearable on his meds.  he is angry, he lashes out, he snarls at us all day long. it is hard to be  a loving and sweet mom when the entire day you are told everything you do is wrong. not to mention he is eating everything in sight today while off his meds.

Sunday, February 15, 2009


from now on the door alarm is on every night all night. no excuses. the creeper has struck again. an entire package of cream cheese in his room. under the damn bed. since yesterday. what a waste. if he is hungry why doesnt he eat his damn dinner? did I mention he cranked the thermostat down to FORTY! yes 40. It's a damn good thing our house is really insulated well and has six inch walls. then this morning he is biting the balloons trying to pop them. what am I going to do with this kid?

edited to add: he also apparently ate an entire container of coolwhip. well he ate the coolwhip, cody ate the pudding, so much for my robert redford dessert.

Friday, February 13, 2009

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

the saga of the dog


he was here the other night. I knew he was because my big boy kept barking. he is a lot like a kid. kids cry in certain ways letting you know hungry hurt needs a cuddle. Well big boy has a bark that says tattle tale! someone is getting away with something! I swear he does. Others have seen it. He also has a "someone is here who shouldnt be" bark. and of course the someone is here! who is it! go away cus I am the big mean dog! bark.

so the other night he was letting us know that someone is here who shouldnt be. its always the same. about 10-11pm. so I thought he left after my dog stopped barking. It turns out he didnt leave, he just left the porch. he is now harrassing the kids via the windows to let him in. HE DOES NOT LIVE HERE! so anyways he is jumping up on the low windows(most of our windows are low enough that he could jump up on two paws and look in. and with snowbanks even the ones he couldnt reach he can. so he has been pawing at the windows WRECKING THE SCREENS! I rue the day that dog came into my life. If it were MY dog doing the damage, then I would be disappointed but its my dog so I would just feel like ok thats life. but it isnt my dog. and I am a little pissed. I dont think there is a lot I can do about it either since the cops tell me there is no dog ordinance. of course the city told me there IS a dog ordinance they just cant enforce it due to space issues. so now I have screens with holes in them. not a big deal in the winter but each time he does that the holes get bigger and then when its summer you open the windows to a screen full of holes and have a house full of skeeters! obviously after I took him to a nice hotel his family bailed him out. if he would just come during the day time so I could take him in again. but no he always comes at night.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

well the flu has been through our house like wildfire. My turn now. but not as bad as they had it thank goodness. Not much else to update. no word from the attorney. still. nothing. not a word. nada. annoying as all hell for sure. Weekend after next the kids are going to grandma's for the weekend(the little ones are) so hopefully hubby and I can get away for an afternoon.

wish I had something profound to write about but I am left with nothing. My brain is barely functioning. I am about to fall asleep. and I have scouts tonight too.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

so it begins

ethan we have a haircut appointment at 3

NOOOOOO!!! I like it this way!!

you cant even see!

I can see fine! I like it this way!!
well I smell my scrap retreat slipping away. how can I leave my sick baby at home while I go have fun? all she wants is to sit in my lap. she usuallly runs circles around her brother but she is so subdued I had to dress her. she got in the shower with me and sat in my lap and just sat there. she loves to mess around in the shower. she just sat there and then after I washed her hair she said can I get out now? usually when maia showers everyone else gets out of the shower and she refuses to get out and is left there still messing around. sometimes she even turns the water back on in her sneaky fashion. and this morning it was like she didnt know what she was supposed to do in there. she just sat there looking up at the water now and then. she was feeling some better yesterday and getting a little more animated and funny but was up puking again at 11pm. and again this morning. The sun is shining and it would be a beautiful day to drive to cross lake but Eric isnt home yet from rounding and I just dont think i can leave her like this. no one else is sick. that fact and her lethargy really worry me. anyone who knows maia at all knows that for her to be still for long is not her personality. I remember I asked E once how he knew that danielle was so sick. he said she was just a limp noodle. and that is maia right now. she doesnt do or want to do anything but lay here. I try to tell myself when I am sick all I want to do is lay around so she isnt doing anything out of the ordinary but why is no one else sick around here if its just a bug?

Tuesday, February 3, 2009


we are watching something on pbs about polio. what an incredible time that must have been. similar I bet to how things were with leprosy. So scary to know your loved one was so sick. not knowing what would happen. would they get better? how bad would it be? would they die? A lot of times you will hear me say how I wish we could return to a simpler time but there are some things I do not want to return to. I vaccinated my kids. there are those who choose not to but I prefer knowing that MY kid is NOT going to get one of the dreaded diseases of the past. they will NOT face a future in an iron lung or banished from their neighborhood. i am happy to know that. I have seen the damage done. Don't want to go there again. I have a hard time understanding people who choose not to vaccinate. their fear of the vaaccines puts the kids at risk of so much more. I know some people believe that vaccines are linked to autism and all sorts of other things. but in my eyes I would rather risk these than risk polio or whooping cough measles or other diseases of the past.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

more kids

Ethan was a squirrel again the other day and Maia told me how he was going to put his nuts in his mouth and carry them home. sorry but that just cracks me up. so innocent. yet so funny. Last time he was a squirrel he came running because the squirrel wanted to show me his nuts!(buckeyes) I have a feeling this squirrel is gonna be trouble! haha

Last night at dinner I sneezed. Ethan right away said oh no! you have a cold! you have to go right home to bed and rest. I said well who will do my chores? he put his hand on his forehead(as in woe is me) and said I will do your chores. we all cracked up.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

overheard just now

sigh, grumble, You are just SO difficult to train! that was Ethan talking to his sister.

Maia just brought me some playdough and asked if it was a square. I said yes it sure looked like a square. she got all happy and was kissing the playdough making smoochy noises.

kids. when they are funny they are FUNNY! and when they are mad LOOK OUT! lol

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

presidential inauguration

I was brought to tears many times before the new president even spoke. I cried multiple times throughout the event. It was so exciting and so wonderful, not to mention a step in the right direction for the kind of future I want my kids to see. This morning we watched Rosa Parks, it was on tv. and from a black woman arrested for sitting on the bus, to a black man holding our highest office is just.....wow. I have no words to describe. incredible.

so now, we have a new president. I hope for many great changes in our country's future. I dont know what the future will hold but I have high hopes. This president not only is inspired he also inspires others to be involved and get out and do what they can for their country. Yesterday listening to NPR I heard a lot of that. People want to do more, they want others to do more.

I have never in my 37 years seen a presidential inauguration. not on tv. not in person. not in class. not even a little bit. it was an incredibly emotional experience. I cant imagine what it must have felt like for the people in the 15 blocks surrounding the event itself. There were people on rooftops as well. the feeling of being surrounded by so many others who believe in what you believe in and support and love YOUR country must be overwhelming. If ever there is an event I wish I could have attended in person, this would be it.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

abs yoga for beginners. it is hard. I am a wimp. I am weak. But I liked it. I would do it again. of course the baby in the room was way more interesting and cute. but I knuckled down and did what I was supposed to.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

why isnt my body mine?

why can't I sell my organs? they are mine arent they? why can I not do with them what I choose? just like the prostitution laws are all about telling me what I can or cant do with my body, now they tell me I cant sell my organs. I just dont get all this government all up in my bidness stuff. how did these laws ever get on the books? when did we give up rights to our bodies? We cant kill ourselves, can't have someone else do it for you either. we cant sell our body for sex. we cant sell our organs. why cant I use MY BODY as I see fit? isnt it mine? I have freedom of speech but not if its to make a deal to sell my kidney. I have freedom to bear arms, but not if I am going to harm myself. I have freedom to pursue happiness unless it includes having sex for money. I think something is really screwy around here.

sesame street

I love sesame street. the other day Sandra Oh was the cookie fairy.she gave cookie monster the cookie touch(like the midas touch) and today the guy who played doogie houser (whose name escapes me) was the shoe fairy and gave everyone shoes. My favorite is when Garth Brooks is on and sings with the monsters. Tim McGraw and Faith Hill were on singing about sharing. Tyra Banks was on a couple weeks ago talking about the word frustrated as she struggled with something. I just love sesame street. I love when they have stars on there.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

20 questions

I was reading someone else's blog and they put out a twenty questions kind of thing. you can ask anything. so ask away. if anyone is out there.

Things that amuse me

Maia trying to hack off her sisters ear with a plastic knife while sister slept.  does anyone else see the comedy in this?


Cody found a site called toonami. I said AHHH! LOOKOUT! It's a TOONAMI!

conversations with a boy

is there turkey in this sandwhich?


no there isnt.
I cant see it.

there IS turkey in there.

no there isnt.

yes dear(getting frustrated now) I made the sandwich and I know whats in it. there IS turkey in there.

no there isnt.

ok well then there isnt. I am not going to argue with you about it.



Sunday, January 11, 2009

how do you put a giraffe in a refrigerator?

ok well how do you put an elephant in the refrigerator?

you have to take out the giraffe.

the kind of the jungle called a meeting and all animals MUST ATTEND. but someone didnt. who was it?

it was the elephant, hes in the refrigerator remember?

then you need to cross a stream where dozens and dozens of alligators live. how do you get across?

walk, all the alligators are at the meeting.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

last night

sleep was scarce. at least for me, as the mom. when I am on mom duty I hear everything. but this was not a quiet night. Ethan and Maia were fussing in their sleep. every time the heater comes on it goes CLUNK. which in turn freaks Ethan out or startles me. at one point in the night Ethan YELLED "He's going for the flowers! get him out of the flowers!" I think that came from the bedtime story Josephina where Florecita ate the flowers Josephina meant to give her aunt. Add to that the fact that this room is fucking freezing no matter how high I turn the heat. the tile in the bathroom is ICE COLD. I can feel it through my socks! The sleep number beds are kind of nice but when its too damn cold it doesnt really matter how comfy the bed is. We actually took a nap this afternoon we were so tired. well at least two of us did. Eric's afternoon session is almost over so we will go and do something together(besides hitting the pool again, at least until later)

We went to M for lunch today and sat at a tall table in the sun. Ethan fell right off his chair. just bloop, there he goes. he leaned too far over and just fell off. I was disappointed with the new low at M. watered down ketchup. no I am not kidding. I got ketchup in the individual packets and it was MUCH different. when I dip my fries in ketchup I want to pull the fries out with ketchup on them, not a clearish watery coating. I want KETCHUP! it was sooo runny too. they didnt seem to care when I told them it was watery. oh well it isnt like I will be frequenting this M every again.

We have been in the pool several times. They are very nice here and give the kids funnoodles to play with in the pool and goggles too which they loved. But Ethan's eyes are all swelled from the chlorine and his little face is red red red. but boy they had fun in there. they are tall enough to hang out in the shallow end without having to try and keep their head above water. plus its really shallow in the shallow end. last year Ethan was pretty nervous about being on his back in the water, while I hold him. This year he was wide open. arms out not afraid at all. they were diving to the bottom trying to touch my foot in practice for summer when they want to go after the diving sticks at the campground. (ahhh the warm days of summer....I can hardley wait!!) Ethan was trying to sit his bottom on the bottom of the pool but he just floats. he isnt heavy enough to sink to the bottom even when he tries.

Eric is back so I guess its time to go do something.
again with the nagging to go to the pool.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

timing timing

a quick visit to the urgent care to see if stitches were necessary. Eric was at the hospital at a meeting. well urgent care closes at 8 so they wanted to send us to ER. I called Eric to come look at it. and we were back in the car leaving for home at 8:05. and no stitches. which would seriously have cramped our weekend. the pool is the biggest draw for the under 6 set.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

485,000$ tradition. new china in the white house. heloooo!!!! do you know how many people could eat with 485,000 dollars!!


I dropped the kids at preschool and on the way home Honey, by bobby goldsboro was on the radio. I cant remember a time I didnt love that song. but it makes me sad. it makes me miss the many people missing from my life. I miss my Carlie, I miss Gramma Peg, my regular gramma, grandpa John, grandpa Grapes. I cried all the way home listening to that song. but honey I miss you. and Im being good. Id love to be with you. if only I could.

its cold, its winter, im melancholy, im lonely, im depressed

Tuesday, January 6, 2009


Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater.

If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby.

If you give her a house, she'll give you a home.

If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal.

If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart.

She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.

So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

go here


and listen to this. I had tears rolling down my face the entire time.

guess who stopped by last night?

you guessed it. my friend's family sprung him from the posh place he was hanging out at. they paid his bail and now he runs free. again.

Saturday, January 3, 2009

conversations with maia

that was a naughty thing to do! you stay in your room.


soundds like you feel guilty.



mom I feel guilty now.

mom what does guilty mean?

Thursday, January 1, 2009

cars in the ditch

3 years and no one has gone in the ditch in our yard. now, two in one week. idiots I tell you. you just cant go speeding down the road when its covered in ice and snow. Husband and son went out to help the current ditch divers and pushed them out. they pulled into the next driveway turned around and went zooming back the other way and literally became AIRBORNE at one point. that is just lunacy.