Friday, June 27, 2008


while I was at your house the storm sirens were going off in town. scary.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

psychic energy

I love ghost hunters. I love the new show Psychic kids. I love reading about paranormal encounters. I have had a few experiences in my life that make me say hmmm, but I do not have an every day feeling that I have psychic ability. How does one hone such a skill? When Eric and I were first dating we had made plans to drive to the Bayfield Apple Festival for the day. The kids were with their dad so it was just us. I had just gotten my new van. So I was going to drive us down there. The night before we went, I had a dream about a car accident involving us and a white car. large white car. We went to bayfield. Had a super time. brought our own hot choco and drank too much and had to stop at the gas station on the way out of town. I had to pee soooo bad I could NOT go on until I got a chance to use the bathroom. There was a line. I waited. I waited. I waited. FINALLY I got to go. Then we happily carried on our merry way. And we came upon a recent accident involving a white van. the van was in the ditch. I dont recall the other vehicle but I remember thinking how my bladder made us miss that accident. coincidence?

Another time I went with my friend Hiedi to her mom's with all the kids(and all her kids) and it all worked out that I had my own bed in a room with no one else in it. I woke in the night to something white on the edge of the bed. I asked my friend about it the next day but she never said anything more about it. I wanted her to ask her mom about it but I dont know if she ever did. Life gets in the way sometimes and she has even more kids than I do so I cant blame her for forgetting.

When I was a little girl, my bestest friend was Lisa. Lisa lived in a house that had previously housed an elderly couple. The man is said to have died there. He had been ill and the furnace malfunctioned is the story and he just died quietly. They had only 2 bedrooms and a bathroom upstairs and a very small landing which the 3 rooms and the stairs were arranged around. Her two sisters werent sleeping in the room with us. Her parents slept with the door closed as did we. and in the morning no one we asked reported using the bathroom in the night(which would have been across the hall from lisa's room) but at some point in the night we both were awakened to a bright white light hovering over near the closet(both beds were oriented to be facing the closet.) We were terrified to move or breathe or speak. It felt like forever but I suppose it wasnt that long and then it was gone. we both saw it. we both felt that terrified feeling. and we verified that the drapes were tightly closed. not to mention the room was on the second floor in the middle of the block so it isnt like there would be turning vehicles shining lights in. so what was it? We never did figure it out.

I never feel anything at our current house. but its fairly new property and house. My parent's house though is old. very old. and it has been added on to and is a little wierd. It was in an immigrant neighborhood. I lived there most of my life. A few things happened over my life there. It was once a rooming house. There is a staircase in the front as well as in the back. We rarely if ever used the back and when me and my brother moved upstairs it was blocked with styrofoam to help keep out the cold from the unheated room at the bottom of the stairs. That staircase as well as the room at the bottom of it have haunted me always. Nothing specific, just creeped me out. even in daylight with my parents in the room upstairs I remember being completely terrified (but faced it) to go down those steps. I still get creeped in the room at the bottom of the stairs. My folks use it for storage but it used to be mine and my brother's room when I was a baby. it is behind my folks room so you have to go THROUGH their room to get to it. I remember only one time anyone used those stairs and it was my mom freaking out because she heard noises and dad was gone and she got scared and ran up to wake my older brother who came down with his shotgun. Of course nothing was there. they rationalised it to be the dog chain rattling against the house outside. but mom thought someone was rummaging through the drawars in the end tables in the living room. was it the chain? I dont know. Their basement creeps me too. I turn on every single light along the way if I need to go down there. always have. always will. When I was a little girl I was sure there was a crocodile down there. thats unreasonable but there could well be spirits that make my hair stand on end. Someday when I am brave I will research the house's history. Not sure how to go about that though. Maybe if I can find the abstract. or hit the library. anyways. there are things there that have always bothered me. The kids vid recorders are capable of recording sound and my mother virtually begged me NOT to try and record anything for fear of what we would maybe stuff there creeps her out too but we have just learned to live with it.

My aunt lived in the upstairs at one point. I should ask her if she ever experienced anything strange. Another thing that happened is one night I woke in the middle of the night(as a child in that house) and I saw flames in the reflection of my mirror. Fire is my ALL TIME HUGEST fear. I was frantic but looking towards the wall that the mirror faced saw nothing. I lay awake for a long long time. my mother did tell me once that there had been a fire there at the house. and there was proof of it when they recently remodeled.

I used to read after my parents put me to bed. I would hide a book under my pillow and then turn on my lamp and read after they left. I was sure I was so sneaky they didnt know(until they started searching under my pillow when they said goodnight haha) but one night I turned out the lamp and went to sleep as far as I can remember. I woke sometime later and it was on. I couldnt figure out how it came on but turned it off and went to sleep thinking perhaps I fell asleep reading and cant recall and the book fell down or something.

So thats a lot of coincidences dont you think? Certain places completely creep me out. make the hair on my neck stand up. make me feel I am being watched. but how do i take all these things and turn them into something more, and something useful?

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Pregnancy pact

ok they made a pact. and then they didn't. and how is this illegal? how does this affect me? So prego teens are up. great. thanks for the statistics. now move on. let it go. Why do we need to keep harping on this stupid story? either they made a pact or they didnt. I dont care either way. And as far as I know it isnt illegal to get pregnant. if you dont want to get pregnant then dont. if you dont want your teen to get pregnant then teach them. teach them about birth control. about how much work it is to raise kids. and even then you have to step back and let them run their own lives at some point. Unless you watch them every minute they will find a chance to have sex if thats what they want to do. so why are we still reading about this stupid pact or nonpact. WHO CARES?

Thursday, June 19, 2008

YAY! for gay marriage

If you love someone you should have the right to marry them, make a permanent commitment if you so choose. I do not think that the gender of the parties makes any difference whatsoever. Congratulations to all the newlyweds in CA. I wish you the best. and I hope for more states to get a fucking clue. I don't really care WHAT your bible says about it. It isn't a bible issue, its a HUMAN issue. If you loved someone and wanted to commit to them forever, wanted to share your health insurance, wanted to know that you would be allowed to be with them when they are ill or on their deathbed and someone said no. you cant make that commitment. you arent allowed to be with them as they convalesce or die. you arent allowed to provide for them. You would be pissed. I would be pissed. and with good reason! I say Kudos to California for getting it right. The rest of the states should take a lesson from them.

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

if "results are not typical" and participants have been remunerated, why should I buy your product? so you paid people to say "its great" and "they lost ten gazillion pounds" and then you say "results not typical" meaning most people wont lose ten gazillion pounds. so what good is your product if it wont help me lose the weight and you have to PAY people to say its good stuff?

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

My Aunt Jan

My dad's sister Jan has always been around. When I was a little girl she would come for Saturday and stay all day and we would have a big spaghetti dinner. She would crochet and knit barbie clothes for me. She would lie on the floor and color in my Barbie color books with me, teaching me how to make the clothes look like they had texture by coloring in different directions. She gave us perms. She had Christmas at her house several years and we all went up there. She always bought me something special for Christmas. I loved going to her house in the country. I would walk up the big hill to the fence and talk to the cows on the other side. I would pick her "flowers" and she told me they were thistle. and when I loved them she told me she loved them too. She had two sons. She didnt have any grand kids until I was about 10 or 12 so I was her special girl. At least I like to think I was. She would take me to the cabin for the weekend with her and Uncle Jim. When Ralph the cat left a dead mouse on my bed she explained it was because he was proud of it and it was his way of saying he liked me(he didnt like me.)When I was scared a bear would come through the window above my bed and eat me she let me sleep with her. When I was scared because my dad wasnt there she slept with me. I loved her like no other. I will miss her like no other.

Monday, June 2, 2008

Tori Spelling has saggy baggy boobies. Thereby proving that even celebs fall victim to gravity.

Sunday, June 1, 2008

what the hell is a NATURAL craft?

I took my sewing projects(and very nice projects if I may say so myself!) to the local farmers market. they told me it wasn't a flea market and and I should look to flea markets where I would surely be welcomed but they don't sell THESE KINDS of things (as if I were trying to sell my dirty underpants!)at the farmers market. Only NATURAL crafts. I packed up my stuff and left. she told me it was OK to stay for that one day but made it clear I better not return. I didn't bother staying. I have never felt so unwanted anywhere in my entire life as I do in this town. I will never belong here. I do have a few friends, good ones even. but mostly I am either A)not wanted or 2)ignored. Some days I try to feel good about being here. about what I DO have. this is not one of those days. I do not even want to go to the store. I don't want to go anywhere. At least not in this town. I want to go to Mora to shop. St cloud. I don't want to go anywhere. Tomorrow is 4H. I don't want to go. GS has to plan their summer activity. I don't want to. I don't want any part of any of it anymore. It is constantly repeated in ways and actions and words that I am not welcome. I do not belong. I shouldn't bother. and yet I do bother. I need to stop all the things I do. This farmers market thing really greatly upset me. I am so hurt by all the people who ignore me/blatantly say things to hurt me. Once I thought the anonymity of a big town was worse but now I yearn for it. In a big town, no one knows or cares who you are. they don't judge you based on how long you have lived there. I will never be a part of this town, no matter how many activities I get involved in. It isn't my town. It will never BE my town. and at this point, I don't even WANT it to be my town. they can keep it. it isn't all that great anyways.