looming diappointment

I found the same child we were considering was on rainbowkids.org. but now he isnt. he was deleted by the agency. A different agency than we use. but what does that mean? has someone else sent their LOI for him? is he locked now for someone else? He is still listed on my agencies private site. but of course BOTH of them are on the west coast and I am in the midwest so I cant call and confirm anything. I was really looking forward to this. We spoke with a cardiologist yesterday and are supposed to fax her the info today but I am not sure if we should bother her now. If someone else has chosen him it would be a waste of time, hers and ours. but if no one did and he was removed for some other reason then we could send it and hope to hear back. of course today is friday and another week has gone by and I have no confirmation of anything. this is driving me nuts. Husband is driving me nuts. and if someone else has chosen this child and sent their LOI then I will have to start all over with the convincing. Eric will say well maybe we shouldnt even adopt. grrr. Every day I have to look at the empty crib with all the cloth diapers in it and wonder if I will ever get to use them again. why does it have to be so hard? I do not want to spend the money for a HS and then find that we end up adopting from a diff country and have to redo it and change the USCIS. thats a lot of money. If I wanted to go through the traditional program I could do that but I am looking for a waiting child. A child who needs a home because he or she has special needs. this is such a frustrating process. It would help if I didnt have to draaaag husband along into it.