I just don't even want to try anymore

There is this family. They do not live NEAR me. Only within the same town. I am being purposely vague. They have a dog. I have a dog. Their dog got lost once and I found him. I kept him until we found his home. he was a nice boy but not much on manners. He comes to visit us still. He comes, I call them. they come get him. or alternately I call and they dont come get him. and sometimes I just dont call because it is late at night or I am just plain sick of it. so one of their kids is in a group I lead (again vauge) and since the rest of the family tromps along and sits and just waits during the group meeting I mention the dog to include the other kids, to relate to the kid in my group, to just have conversation with the mom. well apparently this distresses them greatly and I have been "making jokes" about their dog visiting us. If you kept your dog HOME on a LEASH, or at the very least NEUTER him, he wouldnt BE at my house. so how is this now MY fault? I am so done with this town.

this town is too whacked

no you can not sell your wares at the farmers market, but I am sure you would be welcome at a flea market.

no we cant teach your kid to swim, he is afraid of water.

and now, no we can't have your kid at church because after we set them on fire and then we feed them red juice(and dont tell me red food dyes are harmless) and then tell them sit down and shut up and yours cant.

No we never know who you are at the store even though you have come here darn near 7 days a week for over 3 years.

I am just hurt and pissed and upset and angry and on and on.

No one likes to hear their kid is in trouble. but its even worse then its so fucking STUPID. No one is saying anything about the girl who uses the F word and climbs the walls and has a sassy mouth like crazy.

I have NEVER felt the way I do in this town. never. ever. I have lived about 10 different places. some small towns. some big cities. some mid sized cities. none has ever treated us the way they do here.

That said, I AM thankful for the few good friends I have and that I feel I can count on. The ones who tells me dont fret, we dont all feel the way the rest of the town does. The ones who willingly spend time with us. The ones who show up when times are tough. I AM thankful for them. I just have to come to the place where I can say the rest of the town can GO TO HELL.

thinking

We went to the big new library the other day and they have a nursing room with a comfy chair and table. It was attached to the bathroom but not IN the bathroom. This got me to thinking. Why is nursing so controversial? its feeding a child. these moms are not trying to flash their breasts.and very often there is NO SKIN visible, OR the mom has completely covered baby and herself with a blanket. so whats the problem? No one ever says oh god go feed that baby in the bathroom I cant stand the sight of that bottle. Why are we so hung up on breasts? All the way back to the time of christ women's breasts have been used for feeding their children. when did it turn so bad? When did it stop being a nurturing loving moment between mom and babe and turn into something so horrid we cant stand to see it, and thinking all nursing mothers need to be banished to another place away from us? I just dont understand. Doctors encourage moms to nurse their babies. it is better for baby. but society knows better than doctors and health professionals? I remember in Iowa we talked about having a nurse in. I was a part of a group that was VERY pronursing and there were several nursing moms in our group at any given time. I couldnt nurse. I had a breast reduction many years ago. but I was more than willing to sit there and pretend I was nursing along with my nursing friends to send a message that nursing is ok and natural and not a big deal. Nothing ever actually came about though. But I knew more nursing moms than bottle feeding moms when we were in Iowa and we knew tons of people that had kids. we were a group of 18 families and nearly all of them had kids. One was a female doc and even SHE encountered people complaining that she nursed her kid. Come ON people. wise up. give it up already. there are so many other things to be outraged about. people are killing each other. drugs are rampant. the kids at school are bullying and being bullied. be outraged at that. dont condemn a mother for doing whats best for her child.

Barbies and other ramblings

Maia is 4 now. She had one or two barbies but not that much stuff. I decied it was time. I dug out all of the old Barbie stuff I had been saving since big sister stopped playing with it. yes sir yes sir three bags full! and I sent her down to her dollhouse with it all and she flew in for lunch gobbled it up in a flash and was gone again. Didn't hardley see hide nor hair of her the entire day. She just played barbies. she changed their clothes. they danced around. she switched barbies and played with a different one. she played and played and played. For her this is nye on a miracle. She is an active child much like her brother and together they run run run and stopping to play one thing (one thing that requires staying in one placce even) is not something that happens very often with them. I also gave back a bucket of toys that I took away at one time. They didnt clean them up when I asked so I took them away. months ago. so it was like christmas when they got it all back. they thought I went to the thrift store and bought it all for them. Ethan stayed down there playing for a couple hours but once he FINALLY got himself dressed he couldnt resist a chance to be outside, as is typical. but hey even a couple hours is a big thing for him. Then he helped clean the gutters and helped in the garden. I went grocery shopping(ohhh big fun)and then we had a cook out. We were going to invite the new neighbors but the way Chrysta acted all morning I decided I didnt want to reward her and punish them.

Ehan is such an imp sometimes but when it comes to working on something together he is all in there helping out. He loves to take out the compost. he did that several times yesterday while Daddy cleaned the gutters. He loves to help in the garden. He loves to help set the table or clear the table. and if there is one kid I can count on to clear his spot after he eats it's Ethan. He likes to go to the store with me just the two of us. He DOESNT like doing things that are just him. he also doesnt like cleaning the playroom(who would) but I dont dump all the toys on the floor every single time they get picked up. I clean them up and say take out one or two toys and then put them back before choosing another. that lasts 2 minutes tops and he has it dumped again. I imagine it wont be long before everything is on the floor again. I know the barbies are all over the floor already. I wonder if she would like the furniture my mom and I saved all these years from my barbie days. I suppose it would just add to the chaos.

Eric has taken Ethan to go hunting this morning then in to round on his patients. leaving me with just Maia who is momentarily sleeping and will likely sleep in because I didnt go back to sleep. she usually is up at 730 like clockwork.I didnr go back to sleep at 7 because I didnt think it would be worth it. of course now she wont wake and I will have missed out on an extra hours sleep.

parent child time/gripe session

If a parent likes to hunt and fish and ski and boat and do all sorts of sporty outdoors stuff and the kids dont, how can they spend some time together. Of my 4 kids, one loves to go hunting, hiking, isnt big enough to ski, and isnt fond of fish, but loves to be outdoors and loves to take whatever dad offers. The others do not want to do those things. Dad offers often to take them along on those things but they dont want to go. He says dont ever come to me and say I didnt spend any time with you, I offer all the time to do x, and x, and x. but why cant he try something THEY enjoy? (this is Car rubbing off on me) Ok so they dont like to hunt or fish or boat or ski, but why not play runescape with them, watch their favorite movies with them, ask them what THEIR interests are? he parents just like his father probably did. My way or the highway. I dont care what you want or like this is what we do. They do enjoy the bike ride they take every year to Duluth and each year want to start further and further away from town. They like their bikes, he likes his bike, why not take them on a leisurely bike ride now and then? not a ten mile trek, or a 70 mile braml but a bike ride around for fun? Why not play blocks with the little kids awhile? or color with them? why does it have to be all or nothing? I am starting to feel tired and much like a single parent. yes he works and brings home the bacon, he also grows the vegetables. but when it comes to the kids 99% is on me. Either he isnt here because he is at work, or doing something HE enjoys, or he is watching the news and/or reading the paper. I left the little two to get ready for bed and he heard me say it, and I went to print out my pumpkin stuff. I came back an hour later and he was still watching the news and the kids were not ready for bed. then when I came in he yelled at them to brush their teeth. While they were in the room WITH HIM and NOT getting ready for bed they colored with crayon on the bathroom counter, and scribbled with marker all over the mail. and he didnt know where the marker was or that they did it. how can you be in the same room and be so far away you dont know what is going on around you? They pull crap with him that they would never try with me because they KNOW they wont get away with it with me. but when Dad is in charge they go absolutely hog wild. it is like I have to be ON 25 hours a day and never leave or take a break because the chaos I will come home to is worse than staying home.

yesterday...ohhhh yesterday

yesterday was a nice fall day to get out. We went to a local farm that had pumpkins and pumpkin bowling, hay ride without hay,a corn crib full of corn that the kids could play in, There was a petting zoo, and a corn maze. The kids RAN into the maze and we went in after them and within seconds they were out of sight. we wandered our way through, zigging this way and that way, wondering if the kids were lost too. We came out the other side missing a couple of kids. Ethan and Maggie were sitll in there somewhere, and we thought the others were too. We waited and waited. Then Maggie and Ethan wandered out after following Kizzy's voice. We waited some more. Another straggler came out with another group. Finally we gave up and found them back at the beginning running around and having a great time. A couple of the older ones went to the grass maze which was apparently harder than the corn maze and got lost in there while the grownups sat down to visit a little while. Then we all went home. I got my kids each a little pumpkin to take home and draw a face on. All in all I think they had a pretty good time. It was fun to get out and do something different. I dont know if it was worth the 5 bucks per person to get in but we did have fun, and I am a bit cheap that way. Next week is the theater trip. We will see Peter Pan. I like this getting out and doing stuff better than hanging at the gym for a couple hours.

Dont drink the milk!

WHY? (whisper) It's poisoned!

my trip

Holy Mackerel these religious people!

I did cloverbuds at 4H and one little girl was particularly annoying. She hurt her fingers doing rockets and went crying in to her Mommy. She wouldn't play with the other kids, unless it was HER way. She was bossy and annoying and didn't share well.  I was counting the minutes till it was over. but then MY kid said HOLY MACKEREL!!  (Mind you, her younger brother said Holy Shoot! not 5 minutes before) She yelled at him that it was a bad word. Then she argued with me about it. I said a mackerel is a fish, it is not a bad word. yes it is, my mom told me.  if you say holy that means worshipping something(she is like 5 or 6 at the most) I told her that was fine for her but she is not Ethan's parent so she doesn't get to tell him what he can and can not say.  The mom has volunteered to help the committee make table decorations  for the awards night.  She said is 9 to early? I said YES! Nine is ABSOLUTELY too early!( I have to drive 15 miles to get there and I have other kids to think of too) she said ok then, nine O' clock it is. Meet here at 9.  I don't think I am going tot take her over there. She will be mad. but I really don't know this lady and when I think about it, I really don't want her taking my kid to elk river. I am not essentially handing over my child to a virtual stranger.

chapter 2

Today was homeschool gathering day. 2 of our Obama Mamas didn't show. Two of us did.  Several of the misinformed but religious voters were there. They cant believe that we would support, endorse, or God Forbid VOTE! for "that one!"  he believes in abortion! he is a terrorist! he wants to take his oath on a quran!  And then we had to defend Islamic terrorist as EXTREMISTS just like Christian EXTREMISTS. One girl (whom I wouldn't have previously thought had a thought of her own) pointed out that Christian extremists bombing an abortion clinic in the name of Christianity doesn't make it ok, sort of like the  Islamic extremists who claim they do what they do based on the Quran. Islam in and of itself is not bad. The quran does NOT condone hurting or killing other people. I sort of felt like I was not even being heard.  One is convinced that it doesn't matter who we vote for anyway, the one who God wants in office will win. WHAT? God picks the president? why the hell do we bother with elections then?  Why do we have debates?  Why do we care who is running? Cus y'know, God is in charge and he will choose the president so what do they need us for?

 

running off in the abortion direction. If Roe v Wade is overturned and abortion is no longer available as some people hope, women will go back to dying in back alleys having botched abortions.  Women WILL get abortions. they will. if you make it illegal they will do it illegally and without regulation.  Of course you know that all of them got pregnant on purpose.  or at least most of them did. yknow, like they went out and asked to be raped.  That is such crap.  If a woman is in a position where she feels an abortion is her only option, then it should be available to her.  And how do you define abortion anyways?  It simply means ending a pregnancy.  by that definition I had one myself. The difference being I wanted the fetus but it didn't survive, but wasn't expelled. It was a very difficult time. I feel for any woman who feels abortion is what she must do.  Do people think that  women who choose abortion really just dont give a rip? that they have no feelings about it? That emotionally its no different than a trip to the dentist for a tooth extraction? Abortion is a touch choice but women deserve to HAVE a choice. You cant know what another person is feeling, or what you would feel in the same situation, until it is YOU in that position.  I do not think abortion is for me, but if I was raped would I feel the same? If I had 4 kids already and an abusive partner and not enough food to go around would I feel the same? If I was a year or two away from a college degree and a life that doesn't include living on minimum wage would I feel the same?

 

Basically I am starting to see WHY Islamic terrorists hate us. It is because of the intolerant Christian view of the world. They say the quran isn't the bible so it bad, Islam isn't Christianity as we know it, so its bad.  Christianity doesn't see the feelings or pain of others, only that "they know what's right" and you aren't following it.

a neat photo I took in Chicago

what do I NEED?

is this our future? I sure hope not. But GW has done his very best to ensure it is our future. I like to think he didn't intend for it to turn out this way, but it did turn out this way, intended or not. I often wonder what life was like for immigrants and the poor. We are sure to learn first hand what it was like to have nothing. Think of the things you have in your house that are important to you. if you have to leave you cant take everything. what would you take? Your children of course. maybe photos. pets? Can you afford to feed the pets? will your children go hungry if you take the pets? what about those trinkets that remind you of this place or that person? you cant take everything. If I had to live without all the stuff in my house, I would survive, I am sure. All I REALLY need is my family, my friends, and my photos. I would miss my dogs terribly but I could probably survive without them. All the other stuff is just stuff and when I die someone will sell it all anyways. it isnt expensive stuff. its just memory laden stuff.I am a major memory keeper when it comes to stuff. I am trying to pare back in a HUGE way. I need food, warmth, shelter, and my family(which at this point includes the animals) I have many other conveniences and memory things and clothes that dont fit and tools I dont use. etc etc. I am constantly looking for things to lighten the load and simplify life and housekeeping. I am forever filling storage boxes.Then I take it all to the thrift store. How did I manage to GET all this extra stuff?

highlights from the trip

the train trip was fun. the leaves were all turning colors. We went on a tall ship and helped put up the sails. it was an 80 minute trip into lake michigan. It was a HUGE boat. Like 150 feet long. We ate Italian, Armenian, and Indian along with some American. I got bridged the last day there and watched about 50 sailboats heading in. All boats have to be out of the water by dec 1 so I guess saturdays and sundays are huge days for boat traffic. I walked and walked for THREE days! (and of course didnt lose a pound...go figure!) I took a trolley tour and saw a lot of great architecture. I got us all tshirts and magnets for family and friends who made it possible. I also got a hat that I love. Weather there was FANTABULOUS! we got home in the rain but it was still 70 degrees. We drove long into the night to get to Eric's moms house. We got there about 1am and fell into bed. The kids were up EARLY! we visited with Nels awhile and then headed home. The kids were so cranky there was much screaming along the way. Of course E had to stop and round on his patients. bleh. so I refereed the kids while he did that. they have no toys anymore at the clinic only a tv. dumb if you ask me but it is what the patients wanted. still dumb. We FINALLY got home and then my parents came with Cody and Chrysta and I went to get Ole. Life has been back to chaos ever since. Ole was so happy to come home he met me at the door of my car and got right in and patiently waited for me to return and take him home. He sat tall in the back seat just staring at me with that look he has. he was really smelly though. He probably found something in the woods to roll in. blech. he got a shower when he got home. He is not fond of showers but I am not fond of stinky dogs! today its back to normal. if you can call it normal. Cody and Chrysta are screaming at each other. maia is watching clifford on pbs, Ethan is downstairs supposed to be getting dressed but is playing and chances are he is still in jammies.

Chicago

This place is incredible. I have walked and walked until my feet are sore and blistered and then walked some more. The architecture here is incredible. We are staying at the intercontinental hotel on Michigan street. I have been to Borders, walgreens, Navy Pier, The American Girl doll store. I have watched the sun come up over Lake Michigan. The view from our room is spectactular! I didnt meet anyone to go around town with but I am enjoying it nonetheless. I did meet a gal in the elevator that was raised in BRAINERD! and here we are both in Chicago. On the train we met a couple from Naples, FL, which is where we went last January. Taking the train was great. the view was nice. We napped a little, talked a little, ate a little, played a little scrabble. You are free to move about the train so people were walking up and down the aisles and the bathrooms were on the lower level, we were on the upper level. This older lady kept coming up from the bathroom looking for her son. every time she came up the stairs she announcced "I am looking for my son" and we would send her in the right direction. At one point she came up the stairs and at the top she looked directly at me and I just pointed the right direction and she smiled in relief and thanks. There was a large lady who fell in our laps. Thankfully she didnt fall across the seats across from us as they had a tiny baby with them in their arms. That could have turned out badly. There were several Amish families on the train. I cant wait to take the train home again. If you ever get the chance to travel by train, DO IT! its much more comfortable than a plane, and its so much more fun. The leg space is incredible. Your seat is much like a recliner with a leg rest that comes out. Today I am going to the Field Musuem so I better get into the shower. Tomorrow we go home again. It has been a fabulous visit to Chicago.

sample

this is a sample post using the pogram that came with myc omputer. Just wanting to see if and how it works.

more words of wisdom from "Little House on the Prairie"

remember me with smiles and laughter
for thats how I'll remember you all.
If you can only remember me with tears
then don't remember me at all.

Josephine

my dad calls me Josephine. always has. likely always will. I was thought to be a boy before I was born and was going to be called Thomas John just like my dad. When I wasnt a boy they were at a loss as to what to name me. My grandma Peg suggested Tammy Jo. So that is what they called me. It is as close as they could get to Thomas John. I never liked my name. But I would never change it because I am named after my dad and I would not want to hurt his feelings. so my dad calls me Josephine. My middle name is not Josephone. its just Jo. but thats just my dad, he has always called me Josephine. And Baby. he still calls me Baby. I dread the day I will no longer be called Josephine or Baby. No one else calls me those things. Only dad.

on that same note, my mom rarely calls me anything. Sometimes she calls me Cher, or Kath(cheryl and kathy are her sisters) by mistake or if I was sassy she will say TAMMY JO! otherwise she doesnt call me anything.

I love old houses. I love the stories they tell. I would love to hear the stories they could tell if walls could talk. They make me think of another time. A time when life was different. A time when people were different, yet much the same. I see old houses like this one and I want to hear the history behind it. How Grandpa built it from the ground up and Grandma refused to marry him until it was finished and how they raised 17 kids in two bedrooms and no indoor bathroom. How at christmas friends and neighbors would stop by and one of the children would play the piano and they would all have a sing along. And the struggles they had there, and the good times they had there. and how it was one a loved place. I want to hear all those things. I want to stop by the side of the road when I see these old empty houses. I want to just be near it and hear the house call out for love and how it would be a good little house if someone would just fix it up. I love old houses. I love how they represent another time and place that is no more. It is sad that when times change these lovely old buildings are left behind after many years of service. I am all in favor of fixing and restoring old houses instead of building new ones. I love when old is new again.

one room schoolhouse

There is an article in the minneapolis star today about a new school that is similar to a one room school house and they are teaching kids in a manner inconsistent with the public schools. they surround these kids with cool stuff like famous books. they claim that PS kids can not use uninterupted sentences because they can not think in an uninterupted manner. so they say things such as "it was, like, wow." I think people will be all up in arms saying PS isnt bad! but I think this is a great idea. Right now they only serve grades 9,10 but plan to expand to 11,12 as well. Too bad I dont live in minneapolis. I think its pretty neat.

yay!

my husband invited some friends over to cook out with us! its always fun to cook out. its fun to have folks over too. We dont do that often. Like not since 4th of july LAST year, not this year.

I saw a book yesterday that was soooo appropriate. I didnt buy it, but I laughed when I saw the title. it is called irritable man syndrome. (IMS) and it relates IMS to PMS and how its not a recognized or acknowledged thing, yadda yadda. just the title alone was enough for me.

I dont know WHAT happened

but Ijust had to restore my laptop to its factory condition. As in lose everything. it was the only way. I didnt have a lot on here yet but I lost all my bookmarks too. stupid microsoft.

now on to my stupid husband. he doesnt get homeschooling. he doesnt get the kids. he dumped on me for the second time in as many weeks. I realize he is stressed but hell so am I. No need to dump on me and tell me how life sucks for you and you dont have all the things you wanted and you sacrifice everything(yeah cus I sure dont sacrifice for the family, right) and how the kids are not like your colleagues kids. and on on on on. I am sorry that he feels that way. I told him that. as in I am sorry you feel that way. he said no you arent. he is having manopause or something. he is really off. he wants the kids to be independent learners, or love learning but never gives them the chance and doesnt understand that loving learning doesnt mean loving to learn the things he loves to learn. they are individuals. and to some extent they are responsible for their destiny. If history doesnt interest them, they can learn something else. yes its important to know some stuff but if it isnt something they like why make a big deal about it, cramming it down their throats isnt going to make them love it. We are at a cross roads. sending them to school isnt going to help what he thinks is the problem. they dont love to learn, they dont seek it out, they dont get excited about it. that isnt going to change sending them to school. I would like to see them self motivate a bit more but they dont. I see it as a journey and he sees only the end, and in his mind at this point the end means digging ditches for a living. That may be but it may turn out differently too. He and his brother were both late to their careers. I was late to go to college. he is just pissed that one of our kids is having trouble functioning and the guy we saw suggested we medicate him and see if it helps. if it doesnt, no harm no foul. to him that means he is a failure as a parent. he said on the way home his entire parenting career has been nothing but disappointment. thats really sad. I think he is setting himself up for disappointment. he is acting like his dad. if you dont become what I think you should become and in the manner in which I believe you should get there then you are a failure and I have failed you as well. thats not right! I suppose I shouldnt post this here but jesus christ it isnt like I can talk to anyone else about it. just dont mention it ot him.

trying again

I made this video, it isnt great quality but it was fun. I made it in the middle of the night on a whim so I had to go digging online for photos I could download from my photobucket and webshots. it was fun making it. I am workking on another about the journey of Ethan.

tryin this out

testing testing. new blogging tool in windows on my laptop

theburbfam.jpg (image)

theburbfam.jpg (image) this reminds me of a happier time. or at least a time when all appeared to be happy. I am sure behind those doors they were not as perfect and happy as outwardly seen but it was a simpler time and in some ways I long for that

this is how I feel today

religion again

When I put maia to bed she likes me to lay with her and sing to her. I sing whatever I can recall the words to at the moment. Usually its you are my sunshine and baby baby and a few others she likes. but I reached deep and came up with a song I liked as a child. it says they will know we are christians by our love by our love yes they'll know we are christians by our love. This of course got me thinking. makes me wonder what every happened to THAT KIND OF THINKING? I wouldnt mind christianity at all if it was about that. but it isnt. maybe at one time but not anymore. also this mindset would go a long way in earning respect from other countries who hate us. I am not naive enough to think that all is hearts and flowers if we just love each other enough but don't you think that it could be BETTER if we were always loving? loving people. loving communities, loving towns, states, countries. yes they'll know we are christians by our love.