so yesterday on the drive to st cloud I got to thinking about something someone said in an adoption forum.they were concerned about how a white parent could possibly teach a black child to grow up to be a black man.
the conclusion I came to is, it doesnt really matter if you are a black parent or a blue or green or pink or white. you teach the kid to be responsible and caring. you teach them right from wrong. this is not a black vs white issue. its a human issue. Sure a white parent might have a learning curve in dealing with discrimination but together with their child they can come to conclusions that are appropriate. so how are black men different from white men beyond the color of their skin? there are good black men and bad black men. likewise there are good white men and bad white men.
it all depends on the man. you can have a child grow up in poverty and surrounded by violence and yet he grows up to be a good and responsible citizen. You can have a child who grows up in luxury wanting for nothing, and he can grow up to be a sociopath. so why the big deal about white people raising black children? it shouldnt matter what color either is. what matters is the ability of the parent to teach the child and raise him and parent him until he is grown.
is it better a child should die of starvation than be raised by a family with a skin color different from his own? Is it better a child should sit in foster care never knowing a permanent home just because he cant have a home that is black? If a white child was placed with a black family who could take care of them and raise them to be responsible productive citizens then I would be ok with that. so why the big deal about white people raising black kids? its this age old double standard. we should not let skin color dictate our hiring, or friendships, or interactions, but at the same time we SHOULD let skin color keep a child from a home? all of a sudden when it comes to raising kids we should seperate the colors? that makes no sense at all.
I have YET to meet a person of any color that I had a problem with personally based on their color. I have had friends who are black, mexican,spanish, mixed race, white. they are all just people. if we arent supposed to judge black people based on their color, why are they judging white people based on color?
people are just people! good or bad. black or white. rich or poor. you have to judge each person as an individual. I do not want to be judged with the likes of leona helmsly just because I am a white woman. I do not want to be judged as like the adoptive parents who have killed their children, based only on the fact that I am an adoptive parent. I want people to look at ME and say good or bad based on my actions or inactions. thats the way I try to look at other people. yes color is important, its part of who you are and should be celebrated. but it shouldnt be the sole decider of who you are.
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9 comments:
Well said Moondog!
Then, of course, you have the scary people that think it's better for a child to have white parents. Because at least they are being raised by a better breed.
Like I was told by a member of our community, when I had to remind him in the midst of his racial slurs, that my child was also black.
"Well at least he's being raised by white people."
pricark ver code!!! Prick ark yes sir.
one of my favorite sayings is judge people on the content of their character rather than the color of their skin. I dont feel like one race is superior. why cant you just be you and me just be me and who cares if we are pink or brown or green.
I think it has something to do with economics,survival, resources and the fact that we all can't fit at the top of the pyramid.
I think it also depends on what lenses you are looking through. If you had been an oppressed race would you want your children in the hands of a race that has oppressed you? Regardless of how great one individual's character was? For some the picture is bigger.
I completely understand that aspect of it. Even though it doesn't make sense for the needs of a child as far as advantages.
But then again what ever has made sense for the children in the grand scheme of things?
That's why the messages of entering the kingdom as a child, or remembering your inner child, etc are so profound and sadly many people just haven't gotten it yet as it applies to the grand scheme of things.
Survival and fear.
but do you think that some people continue to be opressed because they refuse to lose that image?
Refuse to lose what image? The image of their ethnicity?
So if they become oreos or apples then they will not have to face oppression.
Absolutely some groups of people will remain oppressed for not losing the image that the status quo finds inferior.
Idealists see a salad bowl. Reality demands the melting pot be thoroughly stirred then poured into a strainer and any stubborn unmeltables will be tossed aside or marginalized, as they say.
I meant some people are like well I am black so therefore I am oppressed and inferior and you all have to pay for that! Yes I agree there IS still some opression, discrimination, outright racism even. but rather than saying oh woe is me, why must I be treated this way? you all are so mean! why dont they stand up and say this has to change. I will not be treated this way. I guess its easier said than done. Example: Kizzy says she experiences almost none of the discrimination and racism here, yet Shon felt it terribly. is it their difference in friends/acquaintances/neighbors? or difference in feelings? Kizzy grew up in Wrenshall, Shon grew up in the streets. so is it experience that makes her feel it so much more? or something else? person vs place.
It has been my experience growing up in the cities that there is less "oh woes me" and more "I am going to be who I am take it or leave it"
It is usually those that have grown up with white privilege that look at a group of people as feeling sorry for themselves and not standing up for change when actually they are standing strong in being who they want to be, who they are.
Kizzy and Shon are great examples of why a group of people wouldn't want their children placed in a different race family.
Kizzy is biracial, raised by white people, surrounded by white people, not a trace of Ebonics in her. In other words, "At least she is being raised by white people"
Shon is the opposite and experienced racism because of it.
If you look at something other than race.
I chose my friend Rachel to be Jori's godmother. When she went all fundy on me I quickly changed Jori's Godmother to Kitty. There was no way I was going to have my son grow up in a fundy family if something happened to me.
When it comes to adopting children I would take any child, as you would, as Josephine Baker did, as Brad and Angelina are...to me it doesn't matter.
But I don't question the wishes of any group of people that wish to set up guidelines for who can adopt their children. It may be sad that their children are not placed but I feel the depth of that decision.
Excellent post.
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