Intorducing......the AMAZING ETHAN!

this is 6 and half year old Ethan on piano. nary a lesson. he just likes to make up his own songs. he coudlnt take lessons this year because he wasnt reading yet. sometimes he just plays around and sometimes he does things like this.

well it happened

someone else committed to him. we were waiting to hear from a cardiologist. I am majorly disappointed. totally bummed. even more so because I know if I bring it up again Eric is going to sigh frustratedly and shake his head and get grumpy. It sucks. a lot. and I was totally looking forward to a baby boy. now I am back to square one. the hardest part is we cant DO anything else either.

looming diappointment

I found the same child we were considering was on rainbowkids.org. but now he isnt. he was deleted by the agency. A different agency than we use. but what does that mean? has someone else sent their LOI for him? is he locked now for someone else? He is still listed on my agencies private site. but of course BOTH of them are on the west coast and I am in the midwest so I cant call and confirm anything. I was really looking forward to this. We spoke with a cardiologist yesterday and are supposed to fax her the info today but I am not sure if we should bother her now. If someone else has chosen him it would be a waste of time, hers and ours. but if no one did and he was removed for some other reason then we could send it and hope to hear back. of course today is friday and another week has gone by and I have no confirmation of anything. this is driving me nuts. Husband is driving me nuts. and if someone else has chosen this child and sent their LOI then I will have to start all over with the convincing. Eric will say well maybe we shouldnt even adopt. grrr. Every day I have to look at the empty crib with all the cloth diapers in it and wonder if I will ever get to use them again. why does it have to be so hard? I do not want to spend the money for a HS and then find that we end up adopting from a diff country and have to redo it and change the USCIS. thats a lot of money. If I wanted to go through the traditional program I could do that but I am looking for a waiting child. A child who needs a home because he or she has special needs. this is such a frustrating process. It would help if I didnt have to draaaag husband along into it.

well its boy and I thought it would be a girl. Nothing is written in stone at this point. in fact nothing is written even in ink! Eric is talking to a cardiologist today about it. I know he isnt convinced we even NEED another child but I think he is softening because I did not ask him to take it to a cardio.
but we could have a new baby yet this year.

quilts and chubber covers to raise money for adoption

We may have found our baby.

Hi, Im a dabbler

I dabble in lots of things and find msyelf with lots of unfinished projects. why cant I finish anything? Maybe it is just the constant interruption that happens around here. Maybe its the weather. Maybe I am depressed dealing with the negative one or I am just lazy. I have books unwritten, projects unfinished, quilts unsewn. I have an interest in writing, crafts, sewing, quilts, cooking, psychic ability, and I dabble in them all but master none of them. So I am a woman of many interests and master of none. someone light a fire under me please? I have to work on the book. I am impatient, thats part of it. I want things to happen NOW. and working on things slowly and consistently over time is not as appealing as opening my eyes one day and its done! I need to be a tortoise and not a hare. It is hard for me to focus on anything that takes any energy because I am pretty much it around here. laundry, done by me. cooking, done by me. kid refereeing, done by me. chauffering, done by me. Getting kids ready for bed, done by me. so when I have a moment of peace I just want to savor it and relax mindlessly rather than work on some project. And some of my projects take awhile to prepare for and by the time I get it all set up I don't have a lot of time before I have to put it all away again. so if anyone at all has any oomph or get up and go, please PLEASE send it to me because my get up and go has got up and went(another dadism). It isnt that I don't WANT to do these things. maybe its because even when I do complete things they plans I have for them never materialize. I should learn to just enjoy the process of creating it and not worry what will happen when its done.